*The writer uses pseudonyms for the women mentioned to protect their and their families’ safety and privacy.
I’m a one-on-one companion observer for incarcerated women at the Western New Mexico Correctional Facility (WNMCF). My job is to monitor people in crisis, including on suicide watch. I’m speaking up about the horrible things I have witnessed here to try and save women’s lives. The women in this facility desperately need adequate mental healthcare and treatment and to be treated with dignity by correctional officers (COs). Things must change or women will continue to die. No one should have to live in conditions like these.
Their deaths weigh on our hearts. I can’t sleep at night and have trouble eating.
In 2022, three women who were my patients died by suicide at the women’s prison. Several others attempted suicide. Not only did the prison staff fail to save these women’s lives, but the abuse, neglect, disregard, and maliciousness of prison staff pushed them to the point of desperation that made them feel death was the only option.
I and the other incarcerated observers did everything we could to get these women help. Despite all our efforts, we couldn’t get them what they needed. Their deaths weigh on our hearts. After a long day, it’s hard to fall asleep. I lose my appetite a lot. When I leave my shift, I can still hear the screaming of women in distress in my head. When I close my eyes, I still see the cells I am responsible for watching.
In our unit, women who are mentally ill are in solitary confinement. One woman who died by suicide was Nadia*. She had three children who will never get their mom back. She was sent to WNMCF specifically because she had attempted suicide at the local county jail, and WNMCF was supposed to keep her safe until her trial. She spent 24 hours a day in a solitary confinement cell for two weeks. She begged constantly for help, but she never got it. The day she passed away, she called for help from mental health staff all day long, until she finally gave up.
The prison staff never told us that Nadia was suicidal and needed an observer or companion. It was so hard for all of us to find out that she should have had one of us looking after her.
Not only are women denied the mental healthcare we need, but the mistreatment and bullying of the women here aggravates and causes serious mental health issues. Some of the corrections officers pick on the women stuck in their cells. For example, this one CO would always tell Alexandria* that that she stinks and is fat. She would refuse to let her out for recreation time and ignore her when she asked for something she needed. The CO’s behavior affected Alexandria so badly, she used to start rocking herself back and forth in her cell whenever the CO’s shift began.
These tragedies shouldn’t be our responsibility as incarcerated people, but if we do not fight for the women suffering, no one will.
Another one of the women this same CO picked on, Jamie*, was also a pretrial county detainee. She was quiet, hardly talked to anyone, she was scared and lost and crying a lot. The CO didn’t let her out of her cell for yard time very much, and she spent almost nine months in solitary confinement. The CO used to mock Jamie, saying “go cry to your mommy.” Well, Jamie took a sheet and hung herself. The CO let her hang long enough to have scars on her neck and permanent injuries, instead of following policy – and basic human decency – and immediately opening the door to lift her up and save her.
When I reported the CO for her abuse, she retaliated against me and removed me from my job as a companion observer. I was sad because I wondered who is going to stand up for those girls? I did not get my job back until the COs rotated again and someone else was in charge of the unit.
There were no consequences for that abusive CO at all. To know that COs have the power to affect someone so profoundly is heartbreaking, cruel, and wrong. The officers are trusted, and they abuse their positions. The Code of Ethics is signed by each officer and broken far too often.
Right now, things are really bad. NMCD policy says that everyone on suicide watch must have their own observer, so that there is one on one attention for everyone who needs it. Right now, there are seven people in observation cells on two different floors of the building, and only one or two observers per shift. The cameras in the suicide watch cells, which let the CO watch every cell, have been broken for months and no one will fix them. They tell us that it is our responsibility to watch. Some of the observers have been working 12- or 16-hour shifts, but it’s still not enough.
I fight every day to save the lives of women who are being tortured by the New Mexico Corrections Department. I know they feel forgotten and like no one is listening.
Still, being a companion observer is very meaningful to me. I am there for people mentally and emotionally, and I know I have helped people regain their confidence and get back on their feet. My work can only be effective though if COs were adequately trained and followed policy for people who are on suicide watch, like taking away towels and razors from their cells. This work is so stressful and scary. We’re trying to watch so many people all at once to make sure no one else dies that it’s impossible to do the real moral support and companionship that helps people.
I fight every day to save the lives of women who are being tortured by the New Mexico Corrections Department. I know they feel forgotten and like no one is listening. I can’t put my real name on this letter because I could get retaliated against again. I could lose my job or even get denied timely healthcare. If I lose my job, I will always wonder who is taking care of the women locked away. But even if the prison guards find out who wrote this, at least I’ll know that I did my part to make these women’s voices heard.
These tragedies shouldn’t be our responsibility as incarcerated people, but if we do not fight for the women suffering, no one will. Sometimes, after someone dies things get better for a little while, but they always go back to the way they were before. When someone else dies, I want to know I did everything that I could to prevent it.
